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Game Developers VS Unicorns
(jlucard, 22:16:26 - 03 Nov 2011 - )

C#Despite popular belief invisible pink unicorns and amateur game developers are way more similar than most unicorns think. Sure, unicorns are horny all the time and they can run faster because they have two in the power of two legs. However your average unicorn is also a hardcore geek who appreciates binary as much as any of us. In fact the unicorns’ binary nature is what distinguishes them from the more conventional and, let us face it, boring mammals seen on the discovery channel. Think about it, unicorns would like to be pink but at the same time they are invisible, which sort of makes having an obsessive compulsive colour preference a rather pointless exercise in futility. Amateur game developers are exactly like that, apart from not been invisible or having an unhealthy fixation with the colour pink (in most cases). They too are elusive creatures with a strong dual/binary personality – this is what distinguishes them from the more common, sex obsessive and rather uninteresting homo-sapiens creatures that currently overpopulate planet earth. The binary nature argument can be easily established by contacting a simple harmless scientific experiment.

Performing an autopsy on a slightly dead but not quite there yet sample of an amateur game developer reveals some conclusive evidence supporting the binary nature hypothesis. The “gamer” and “developer” brain centres are larger than normal and equally developed – such creatures clearly want to make games because they enjoy playing games. They also happen to be directly opposite to each other. This simple fact explains the typical lack of productivity amongst members of this species (to play, to program, that is the question…). Your average amateur game developer would like to make games but can’t because he also wants to waste his/her limited free time playing games instead and vice versa. Those two tasks are mutually exclusive because of time constrains – both require considerable amounts of it. Furthermore both tasks directly compete with each other for valuable system resources such the short term memory, the hand/fingers control subsystem, and the image acquisition and interpretation units. With those two major brain centres being at war all the time it is a miracle such creatures can survive at all. Clearly such a constant state of internal conflict can greatly affect other behavioural aspects causing a certain degree of awkwardness. This is probably the cause of the unwillingness exhibited by some specimens when it comes to engaging in social activities.

The second, but also very important, similarity between invisible pink unicorns and amateur game developers is their elusive nature. As it happens, for some strange unexplained reason, there are very few confirmed sightings of invisible unicorns. Exactly the very same thing can be said about amateur game developers. Their shy friendly antisocial nature does not fully explain this state of affairs, so let us analyse the possible causes further. You average amateur game developer starts life as a larva. This evolutionary state is often referred to as the noob. As he matures the noob might eventually gain the competence required to be considered an amateur game developer. However this is a very unstable state of existence that can only be maintained for a fraction of a lifespan. Most of the few samples that manage to achieve this status either lose interest and decide they are better of as gamers (thus taking an evolutionary step backwards) or almost immediately progress to the next stage of development either become independent or professional game developers. Clearly the moment they decide to make games for profit they lose their amateur status (assuming they have any degree of success) which immediately disqualifies them from been discussed in this article. Clearly been there is not enough; meeting an amateur game developer is an extremely time sensitive task, and as such almost as difficult to achieve as meeting an invisible pink unicorn on a Tuesday at exactly 9:15 in the morning (unlikely as unicorns hate Tuesdays and they like to sleep until midday).

The last similarity between invisible pink unicorns and amateur game developers is that many misinformed individuals do not actually believe in either of them. In fact many of those consider the existence of creatures pink and invisible at the same time far more likely than that of crazy people that make games just for fun. Existing – which seems to be the main preoccupation of unicorns – does not require a lot of effort after all. However the latter, been an amateur game developer is a completely different proposition. Acquiring the multitude of skills required to undertake a vastly complicated and technical project such as making a computer game simply because it is fun clearly completely defies logic and the laws of nature. This is a recession after all – no intelligent life form would attempt anything so extreme and time consuming unless there was a chance to make some money out of it one way or another. Personally I disagree – hey I make games for fun - but since I can’t find any good argument against such firm solid inescapable logic I must conclude that I do not really exist (oops). Therefore if you think you are reading this article, which can’t possibly exist either, then you must be a figment of your own deranged imagination. That categorically proves, once and for all, with no margin of error whatsoever, the existence of invisible pink unicorns.

Alien's picture
15:51:11 - 04 Nov 2011
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there is a special section of purgatory reserved for the amature games developers who have died over the weekend due to not eating or sleeping and having far too much caffine in their bodies to try and counter act these conditions. it is shared with mostly korean gamers who starve to death in an internet cafe. interestingly, these are often considered amungst the smartest of the species

2's compliment, 3's a crowd

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